Manual Paddy’s People: Tales of Life, Love, Laughter, and Smelly Horses

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They both have scales! Frog Jokes : What happens when a frog parks in a no-parking space? It gets toad away! What is a frog's favorite exercise? Jumping Jacks! What do you get when you cross a frog and a bunny? A ribbit! Where do frogs leave their hats and coats? In the croakroom! What do you call a frog with no hind legs? What do frogs wear on their feet? Open toad shoes! Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day? Because they're already wearing green! When is a car like a frog?

When it's being toad! What do you say if you meet a toad? Wart's new! What do you say to a frog who needs a ride? Hop in! What does a frog say when it washes a window? Rub it, rub it, rub it!

What do you get when you cross a frog and a popsicle? A hopsicle! Why couldn't the snake talk? It had a frog in his throat! What is a frog's favorite year? Leap year! What is a frog's favorite game? What is a frog's favorite flower? What is a frog's favorite cold drink? What is a frog's favorite hot drink?

Hot croak-o! What is a frog's favorite music? Hip hop! How did the toad die? It croaked! It Kermited suicide! How deep is a frog pond? Kneedeep, kneedeep! What's the world's weakest animal? A toad, she croaks if you even touch her! Why do frogs have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires! What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair? What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak? Morse toad! How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? A Unhoppy! Horse Jokes : What type of horses only go out at night? What did the pony say when it had a sore throat?

I'm a little hoarse! Why did the boy stand behind the horse? He thought he might get a kick out of it! How long should a racehorse's legs be? Long enough to reach the ground! What type of horse can jump higher than a house? All of them. Houses can't jump! What do you give a sick horse? Cough stirrup! Why did the farmer ride his horse to town? It was too heavy to carry! When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to! What's the difference between a horse and the weather? One is reined up and the other rains down! What sickness do horses hate the most?

Hay fever! What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor! What does it mean if you find a horseshoe in the road? Some poor horse is walking around in his socks! Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pony! Doctor: Don't worry, you're just a little hoarse! Monkey and Gorilla Jokes : What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey! Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal! What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk! What do monkeys do for laughs? They tell jokes about people! What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?

What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail? It won't be long now. Where should a monkey go when he loses his tail? To a retailer! Why don't monkeys play cards in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs there! Why did the giant ape climbe up the side of the skyscraper? The elevator was broken! Where do chimps get their gossip? On the ape vine! What key won't open any door? How do you catch a monkey? Climb a tree and act like a banana! How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!

Where does a 2, pound gorilla sit? What do you call a 2, pound gorilla? Jake: I taught my monkey to play chess. Amy: She must be very smart. Jake: Not really, I beat her two games out of three! Mouse Jokes : What's gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves? What does a twenty-pound mouse say to a cat?

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty! What has 12 legs, six eyes, three tails, and can't see? Three blind mice! What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code! What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich! Where do hamsters come from? Owl Jokes : Someone said you sounded like an owl. What do you call an owl with a deep voice? A growl Why did the owl say, "Tweet, tweet"? Because she didn't give a hoot! What is a baby owl after she's 6 days old? Seven days old What is an owl's favorite subject? Knock, Knock! Who who? Are you an owl? Parrot Jokes : What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?

A bird that talks your ear off! What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot! Which side of a parrot has the prettiest feathers? What's orange and sounds like a parrot? Penguin Jokes : Where do penguins go to dance? The snow ball! Where does a penguin keep its money? In a snow bank!

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Why did the penguin cross the road? To go with the floe! Where do penguins go to the movies? At the dive-in! What's a penguin's favorite salad? Iceberg lettuce! What do penguins have for lunch? How does a penguin make pancakes? With its flippers! Who's the penguin's favorite Aunt? What do you get when you cross a penguin and an alligator? I don't know, but don't try to fix its bow tie!

Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks? Because they don't have any pockets! What do penguins sing at a birthday party? Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow! What do penguins wear on their heads? Ice caps! A penguin rolling down a hill! Why are penguins good race drivers? Because they're always in the pole position! What do penguins eat for lunch?

Ice burg-ers! How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! How do penguins drink? Out of beak-ers! Who's the head of the penguin navy? Admiral Byrd! What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole? Really lost, because penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere!

Which side of a penguin has the most feathers? What's black, white and red all over? A penguin with a sunburn! Why don't you see penguins in Britain? Because they're afraid of Wales! Pig Jokes : Why did the pig become an actor? Because he was a ham. What kind of pigs know karate? Pork chops! What kind of ties do pigs wear? Why did the pig take a bath?

The farmer said, "Hogwash"!

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What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig? Jurassic Pork What do you give a sick pig? Rabbit Jokes : What do you get when you cross a frog and a bunny? Why was the rabbit so upset? She was having a bad hare day! What do you call a dumb bunny? A hare brain! How can you tell which are the oldest rabbits? Just look for the gray hares! What kind of book does a rabbit like to read? One with a hoppy ending!

What do you call a rabbit comedian? A funny bunny! What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it! What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hareline! Snake Jokes : What is snake's favorite subject? What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon! What snakes are good at doing sums? Why are snakes hard to fool? You can't pull their leg!

What snakes are found on cars?

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Windshield vipers! What are a snake's favorite magic spells? Abra-da- cobra and adder -ca-dabra! Why did the viper viper nose? Because she adder handkerchief! What's long, green and goes "hith"? A snake with a lisp! What is a snake's favorite dance? The mamba! Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? He couldn't afford plane fare! What do you call a snake with a great personality?

A snake charmer! What do most people do when they see a python? They re-coil! What do you get if you cross a serpent and a trumpet? A snake in the brass! What do you give a sick snake?

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What do you call a snake who works for the government? A civil serpent! Turkey Jokes : What key won't open any door? A turkey! It was stuck on the turkey's foot! What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn? Where do you find a turkey with no legs? What do you call it when it rains turkeys? Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet! Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play!

Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? Why do turkeys lay eggs? What's the most musical part of a turkey? If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from? What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him! What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turkey! Miscellaneous Animal Jokes : What do you call a camel with no humps? What do you call a crying Camel? A humpback wail! What did the buffalo say to his son when he went away on a trip? What is a sheep's favorite game? What animal is best at baseball? A bat! Which circus performers can see in the dark? The acro-bats! Why don't anteaters ever get sick? Because they're full of ant-ibodies! Why don't bats live alone? They like to hang out with their friends!

What animals are on legal documents? How do you close a letter under the sea? With a seal! What's a good job for an octopus? The army! How do two snails fight? They slug it out! What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple! Where did the turtle get a new shell? From the hard-wear store! How many skunks does it take to stink up a house? A phew! What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom? Odor in the court! Their performances led to the release of the comedy album Years with Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks that sold over a million copies in At one point, when Brooks had financial and career struggles, the record sales from the Year Old Man were his chief source of income.

Interviewed by Dick Cavett in a series of ads, the Brewmaster in a German accent, as opposed to the Year Old Man's Yiddish accent said he was inside the original Trojan horse and "could've used a six-pack of fresh air. Brooks was involved in the creation of the Broadway musical All American which debuted on Broadway in Brooks wrote the play with lyrics by Lee Adams , and music by Charles Strouse. The show starred Ray Bolger as a southern science professor at a large university who uses the principles of engineering on the college's football team and the team begins to win games.

The show was directed by Joshua Logan , whose script doctored the second act and added a gay subtext to the plot. The show ran for 80 performances and received two Tony Award nominations. The animated short film The Critic , a satire of arty, esoteric cinema, was conceived by Brooks and directed by Ernest Pintoff. Brooks supplied running commentary as the baffled moviegoer trying to make sense of the obscure visuals. Brooks explains: "I was sick of looking at all those nice sensible situation comedies. They were such distortions of life I wanted to do a crazy, unreal comic-strip kind of thing about something besides a family.

No one had ever done a show about an idiot before. I decided to be the first. The series ran from until , although Brooks had little involvement after the first season. Get Smart was highly rated for most of its production and won seven Emmy Awards , [38] including Outstanding Comedy Series in and For several years, Brooks had been toying with a bizarre and unconventional idea about a musical comedy of Adolf Hitler.

Levine and Sidney Glazier , and made his first feature film, The Producers The Producers was so brazen in its satire that major studios would not touch it, nor would many exhibitors.

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Brooks finally found an independent distributor who released it as an art film, a specialized attraction. The Producers became a smash underground hit, first on the nationwide college circuit , then in revivals and on home video. Brooks later turned it into a musical , which became hugely successful on Broadway, receiving an unprecedented twelve Tony awards. Loosely based on Ilf and Petrov 's Russian novel of the same name about greedy materialism in post-revolutionary Russia, the film stars Ron Moody , Frank Langella , and Dom DeLuise as three men individually searching for a fortune in diamonds hidden in a set of 12 antique chairs.

Brooks makes a cameo appearance as an alcoholic ex-serf who "yearns for the regular beatings of yesteryear. The film received poor reviews and was not financially successful. Brooks then wrote an adaptation of Oliver Goldsmith 's She Stoops to Conquer , but was unable to sell the idea to any studio and believed that his career was over. Eventually, Brooks was hired as director for what would become Blazing Saddles , his third film. This film is a satire on the Western film genre and references older films such as Destry Rides Again , High Noon , Once Upon a Time in the West , and The Treasure of the Sierra Madre , as well as a surreal scene towards the end of the film referencing the extravagant musicals of Busby Berkeley.

Despite mixed reviews, the film was a success with younger audiences. The film won the Writers Guild of America Award for " Best Comedy Written Directly for the Screen " and in it was deemed "culturally, historically or aesthetically significant" by the Library of Congress and was selected for preservation in the National Film Registry. Brooks has said that the film "has to do with love more than anything else. I mean when that black guy rides into that Old Western town and even a little old lady says 'Up yours, nigger!

So it's really the story of that heart being mended.

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When Gene Wilder replaced Gig Young as the Waco Kid, he did so only if Brooks agreed that his next film would be an idea that Wilder had been working on; a spoof of the Universal series of Frankenstein films from several decades earlier. After the filming of Blazing Saddles was completed, Wilder and Brooks began writing the script for Young Frankenstein and shot the film in the spring of Brooks' voice can be heard three times, first as the wolf howl when the characters are on their way to the castle, second as the voice of Victor Frankenstein when the characters discover the laboratory, and third as the cat sound when Gene Wilder accidentally throws a dart out of the window in a scene with Kenneth Mars.

Composer John Morris again provided the music score and Universal monsters film special effects veteran Kenneth Strickfaden worked on the film. Young Frankenstein was the third-highest-grossing film domestically of , just behind Blazing Saddles. It received some of the best reviews of Brooks' career and even critic Pauline Kael liked the film, saying: "Brooks makes a leap up as a director because, although the comedy doesn't build, he carries the story through Brooks even has a satisfying windup, which makes this just about the only comedy of recent years that doesn't collapse.

Brooks' film resurrected several pieces of dialogue from his TV series, as well as from earlier Brooks films. Brooks followed up his two hit films with an audacious idea: the first feature-length silent comedy in four decades. It was the first movie produced by Brooks himself. Brooks stars as Professor Richard H. By Siskel and Ebert called Mel Brooks and Woody Allen "the two most successful comedy directors in the world today America's two funniest filmmakers. Knowing that anyone seeing a poster reading "Mel Brooks presents The Elephant Man " would expect a comedy, he set up the company Brooksfilms.

Brooksfilms has since produced a number of non-comedy films, including Frances , The Fly , and 84 Charing Cross Road , starring Anthony Hopkins and Anne Bancroft, along with comedies, including Richard Benjamin 's My Favorite Year , which was partially based on Mel Brooks' real life. Brooks sought to purchase the rights to 84 Charing Cross Road for his wife, Anne Bancroft, for many years.

He also produced the comedy Fatso that Bancroft directed. In , Brooks joked that the only genres that he had not spoofed were historical epics and Biblical spectacles. The film was written, produced, and directed by Brooks with narration by Orson Welles. It received mixed critical reviews. Brooks produced and starred in but did not write or direct a remake of Ernst Lubitsch 's film To Be or Not to Be. The film garnered international publicity by featuring a controversial song on its soundtrack — " To Be or Not to Be The Hitler Rap — satirizing German society in the s with Brooks playing Hitler.

The second movie Brooks directed in the s came in the form of Spaceballs , a parody of science fiction , mainly Star Wars. In , Brooks with co-executive producer Alan Spencer made another attempt at television success with the sitcom The Nutt House , which featured Brooks regulars Harvey Korman and Cloris Leachman and was originally broadcast on NBC, but the network only aired five of the eleven episodes produced before canceling the series. People magazine suggested, "anyone in a mood for a hearty laugh couldn't do better than Robin Hood: Men in Tights , which gave fans a parody of Robin Hood , especially Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

Like Brooks' other films, it is filled with one-liners, and even the occasional breaking of the fourth wall. Life Stinks was a financial and critical failure, but is notable as being the only film that Brooks directed that is neither a parody nor a film about other films or theater. The Twelve Chairs was actually a parody of the original novel.

Brooks has also supplied vocal roles for animation. He voiced Bigweld, the master inventor, in the animated film Robots , and in the later animated film Mr. The musical adaptation of his film The Producers to the Broadway stage broke the Tony record with 12 wins, a record that had previously been held for 37 years by Hello, Dolly!

In early April , Brooks began composing the score to a Broadway musical adaptation of Young Frankenstein , which he says is "perhaps the best movie [he] ever made.

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It earned mixed reviews from the critics. Brooks joked about the concept of a musical adaptation of Blazing Saddles in the final number in Young Frankenstein , in which the full company sings, "next year, Blazing Saddles! No creative team or plan has been announced. Brooks is one of the few people who have received an Oscar , an Emmy , a Tony , and a Grammy. His concrete handprints include a six-fingered left hand as he wore a prosthetic finger when making his prints. Brooks was married to Florence Baum from , their marriage ending in divorce.

They had three children: Stephanie, Nicky, and Eddie. In , Brooks credited Bancroft with having been "the guiding force" behind his involvement in developing The Producers and Young Frankenstein for the musical theater, saying of an early meeting with her: "From that day, until her death…we were glued together. I'm basically Jewish. But I think I'm Jewish not because of the Jewish religion at all. I think it's the relationship with the people and the pride I have. The tribe surviving so many misfortunes, and being so brave and contributing so much knowledge to the world and showing courage.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. American director, writer, actor, and producer. This article possibly contains original research. Please improve it by verifying the claims made and adding inline citations. Statements consisting only of original research should be removed.

February Learn how and when to remove this template message. Brooks receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on April 23, Brooklyn , New York, U. Florence Baum m. Anne Bancroft m. This section needs expansion. You can help by adding to it. May Main article: List of awards and nominations received by Mel Brooks. Retrieved January 31, Toronto Star , October 21, Josh Rottenberg.

June 14, Retrieved September 5, David Susskind Show. Retrieved January 26, Retrieved November 1, The Daily Beast. Retrieved July 4, The Jerusalem Post. August 12, Retrieved June 26, The Jewish Chronicle. Mel Brooks Live at the Geffen Television production. Archived from the original on July 22, World Film Directors , Volume 2. The H. Wilson Company. Retrieved May 4, September 25, Retrieved May 12, Retrieved November 29, Jimmy Kimmel Live. Season Brooklyn: A State of Mind. Workman Publishing Company. Retrieved February 17, Weekend Edition Saturday.

May 24, Retrieved December 10, Retrieved July 27, Archived from the original on September 18, American Masters. February 1, Retrieved March 15, Brothers' Ink Productions. Den of Geek. The Tennessean. June 3, The New York Times. Encyclopedia Britannica. Archived from the original on May 12, October 15,